“I’m better.” What does that mean after completing treatment for cancer or other serious illness? It may mean something different than you think.
I’m reading This is Remission by Ryan Hamner, a 4-time survivor of Hodgkin Lymphoma. After spending much of his youth sick with cancer, he’s now likely cured. Yet he’s still a frequent flyer at the clinic and hospital due to aftereffects of treatment.
One of his messages is the importance of choosing to be “better, not bitter.” Throughout the book, he cracks jokes and lightens the tone of pretty heavy stuff. It’s no surprise that he ends the book encouraging survivors to see the glass as more than half full. As I deal with my own late effects, including another ER visit last week, his words inspire me.
The idea of “better, not bitter” unearthed a long-buried memory. In 1992, while attending my first conference of the National Coalition for Cancer Survivorship, I heard a young man* who’d survived Hodgkin Lymphoma say, “I was sick…and now I’m better.”
At the time, I was recovering from my second course of treatment and was feeling vulnerable. As I remember it, the speaker drew a circular line on a white board while describing his cancer journey from diagnosis, through treatments, to recovery. By the time he finished, his line overshot and ended up higher than the start of the circle.
“If you don’t end up better after all you experienced, what’s the point?” His message was that even when illness leaves us with permanent scars and weaknesses, the lessons learned through illness make us better than before.
* The speaker may have been Mr. John Anduri. Thanks to the internet, I found him and will reach out to him tomorrow to see if he is the man who so inspired me with a spiral of healing. I’ll update this post after we connect.
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