Should patients in pain suffer silently to protect their loved ones? Or is hiding pain selfish because it deprives loved ones the opportunity to help, offer comfort, or at least know what’s going on? The following scenarios barely scratch the surface of the range of possible negative consequences of each choice.
Imagine I keep my discomfort secret because I’m enjoying the moment and believe I’m handling the pain well. If pain shows on my face without my knowing it, my loved ones may conclude I’m angry or unhappy, which leads to confusion, disappointment, anger, or concern.
If my condition worsens, the disruption takes my loved ones by surprise. Along with compassion and concern, they may also feel angry that they had no opportunity to help or offer comfort earlier.
Imagine I explain that I’m in pain but well enough to enjoy the moment While I’m enjoying myself, my loved ones’ concern may distract them from any enjoyment, which then makes me feel terrible..
The best answer depends on many factors, including…
The needs of both parties.
Whether the pain is unavoidable or might benefit from re-evaluation or treatment adjustment by you and/or your healthcare team.
My family has learned what works best for us for specific challenges. We make rules “for now” and then honor them. Navigating illness has depended on open discussions, some of which were not easy. It’s always a work in progress as my situation changes and as I change. Open, loving communication fosters Healthy Survivorship.
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