Managing loss is essential to healthy survivorship. The exercise of categorizing losses may help. Doing so may help you assess your response and see what more you can do—or what you can do differently.
The first question can be, “Is this loss significant?” The story of my lost keys illustrates a potential benefit when the answer is “no.”
Due to cancer-related cognitive impairment, I spent a chunk of time every day looking for misplaced items. The search caused added stress, especially when it meant delaying or cancelling a family outing. Now “my” problem was everyone’s.
My husband gently suggested I attach my keys to my pocketbook. The notion of a visible tether reminded me of toddlers’ mitten clips, an intolerable loss to my public persona. I resisted…and kept dealing with the inconvenience, frustration, loss of self-esteem, and stress of repeatedly misplacing my keys.
One day, I asked myself, “How big a deal is it, really, if an attachment pokes out of my purse?” Stepping back, I saw that loss as insignificant. My unpleasant emotions subsided, which freed me to enjoy my outing to a hardware store in search of a fun accessory. Ever since, the sight of my neon-pink plastic key coil comforts me, symbolizing my taking control and eliminating a source of distress.
Sometimes, the act of identifying a loss as “insignificant” enables the rational self to help the emotional self to accept a loss, adapt, and move on. End of story.
