Talking about two R’s of the New Year’s holiday led me to tips for managing unpleasant emotions.
REFLECTING Negative experiences make a greater impression and are more easily remembered than positive ones. That’s why thinking back on a rough year can recharge grief and disappointment even if many positive things happened, and even if things are going well now. Remembering missed events you hadn’t thought about in months may make you sad all over again. If dealing with a difficult disease, the consequences of delayed diagnoses, financial toxicity, or abandonment by loved ones, reflecting may stir anger, self-pity, and helplessness.
Media’s Year-in-Review pieces may exacerbate holiday blues. Photo montages of public figures may remind you of loved ones you lost, renewing the grief.REJOICING Typical celebrations are noisy gatherings lubricated with alcohol. If you can’t or don’t feel like partying, societal expectations can lead to disappointment or loss of self-esteem. Festivities climaxing with a midnight kiss may worsen feelings of inadequacy if dealing with impaired ability to enjoy intimacy or sex. If distressed by heightened uncertainty about your future, you may feel unsure whether, how, or what to celebrate.
As a Healthy Survivor, REFLECT in healing ways by listing good things that happened despite illness—and those that happened because of illness, such as relationships grown stronger for having shared trying times and new friendships that would never have been born otherwise. Find new ways to REJOICE because there is always something to celebrate. Celebrating acknowledges all that is right in the world.
[Excerpted and modified from The Three R’s of the New Year’s Holiday, an Oncology Times column in for clinicians in which I expand on my personal experience and lessons learned.]
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