If going through a tough time, how do you decide which friends and family members you turn to? Choosing wisely depends on what you need and others’ ability to fulfill that need. This approach may help minimize the risk of disappointments or tensions.
Start with an adaptation of the “Ring Theory.” Imagine a series of concentric circles. People with the greatest needs are in the center. Those with the least need are in the outermost circle. Assess which rings you and others are in. Reach out only to those in rings outside yours.
Psychology Today May 30, 2017
This model doesn’t address real-life complexities, such as the facts that…
It’s difficult to know which ring other people are in without knowing everything going on in their life.
People in smaller rings may be the only people who can provide what you need, or they may want—or need—to assist you.
People in the same ring are not the same. One person may find it easy and fulfilling to respond to a need while someone else in that same ring may feel distressed.
To help overcome the obstacles to reaching out in healing ways…
State clearly what you need, e.g., help with meals; shoulder to cry on.
Insist you want them to decline—no explanation needed—if they prefer to pass.
Reassure them you have others who can assist, so they don’t worry about abandoning you.
It takes a village to get through tough times. Healthy Survivors make it easier for others to help in healing ways.
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