Agreed-on words or phrases have been lifesavers for me and the people close to me. While dealing with my ongoing health challenges, I began answering the question, “How are you?” with a short phrase that helps us take care of each other’s needs.
“Unwell but good enough” provides an efficient way to tell them that I have no new symptoms or concerns. With that answer, they know how I’m doing so they can respond in ways that help me—and don’t hurt me in some way.
They can proceed with their own agendas, knowing I don’t need anything special. They can take comfort in my reassurance that I’m feeling good enough, physically and emotionally, to focus on my day outside my health.
They also know that I don’t feel great. If I decline an invitation to do something together or if I cut a conversation short to rest a bit, it’s not a big deal. They know why and don’t worry.
For me, having a mutually understood phrase helps me live my best life. It spares me from explaining every day how I feel, a conversation that invariably stirs grief and other unpleasant emotions. It liberates me from others’ hovering, born of love but unnecessary and sometimes irritating.
Last, that phrase serves as a tool to support my pursuit of Healthy Survivorship by helping us focus on the “good enough” part. With my answer, we quickly move on…and get to the work of making today the best it can be.
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