In my prior post, I shared that the phrase, “unwell but good enough” helps me when people close to me ask, “How are you?” A reader’s comment about the downside of that answer in social situations prompted me to expand the discussion to help clarify which phrases help me and why.
MEDICAL SETTINGS When doctors and nurses ask (“How are you?”), it’s not a social pleasantry but the beginning of their evaluation. As a patient, I’ve always strived to provide succinct, candid, and complete information.
Decades ago, after I began learning how to live with chronic illness, I realized an emotional cost of my effective communication: feeling blue after leaving the office. You see, between doctor visits I found happiness by respecting and working around my limitations—and not focusing on them. I shifted gears whenever I crossed the threshold to a hospital or examination room, faithfully reporting on all my issues. That focus on my discomforts and ongoing problems invariably triggered grief and other unpleasant emotions.
Look how answering “unwell but good enough” at the beginning of doctor visits helps minimize my grief:
They know I am not well.
They know I am managing fine with the problems.
I fulfill my responsibility to help my doctors and nurses do their best job pursuing problems, re-evaluating problems as needed, and tweaking therapies.
In my mind, I have kept the focus on living as well as possible—and not on being sick.
SOCIAL SETTINGS Depending on who is asking and how seriously they are asking, my go-to phrases are…
Great (For people not part of my personal life)
No complaints! (For most people)
Good enough. (Often combined with “getting older” or “no complaints” or “grateful”)
Next: INTIMATE SETTINGS (i.e., family, close friends)
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