Commandments empower you when they inform and motivate you to be the best version of yourself. I wrote these as suggestions for people trying to do and be their best at caregiving for a loved one through cancer.
10 Commandments for Supporting a Loved One Through Cancer.
You shall be present.
You shall see the whole person, not the disease.
You shall offer only what you can provide.
You shall remember that you don’t know what their illness feels like.
You shall refrain from offering unsolicited advice.
You shall refrain from doing something your loved one can and prefers to do independently.
You shall tend to your own physical and emotional health.
You shall forgive easily— your loved one and yourself.
You shall facilitate others’ help of your loved one.
You shall look for opportunities to help the patient find hope and joy.
The first commandment is to show up, literally and figuratively. Whether on the phone or FaceTime or in-person, be fully present. Silence your phone’s notifications and listen as if you expect to get quizzed afterward on what the person said and needed. If not sure, ask your loved one, “Right now, do you want to be together quietly? Or, do you want distraction? To vent? To problem solve together?”
Caregiving is challenging, demanding, rewarding, meaningful work of the heart.
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