For years, I’ve been searching for a better term than “survivor’s guilt” when referring to an uncomfortable feeling that arises in some patients after learning of someone who died of the same disease.
Guilt: an uncomfortable feeling
associated with a belief that you’ve done something wrong…
something to be ashamed of.
Keeping “guilt” in the label does patients a disservice by focusing on the notion of something blameworthy. Patients did nothing wrong by surviving. More disturbingly, using the term “survivor’s guilt” reinforces any tendency toward self-blame and shame.
In my search for a better name, I’ve considered common elements of the complex emotion, including:
Sadness (e.g., sad for both the person who died and the grieving family; flashbacks of anticipatory grief over the same losses they once feared for themselves.)
Existential angst (e.g., “Why did I survive, and they didn’t?”)
Undeserved guilt (e.g., feeling they did something wrong, if only by having certain thoughts or feelings, or by not feeling grateful enough every second of every day.)
Recently, I revisited the issue, and a new term popped into my head: survivor qualms. Eureka! This name works for me.
Qualm: an uneasy feeling
of doubt, worry, or fear,
especially about one’s own conduct.
For me, “survivor’s qualms” fits with the unsettling emotional discomfort precipitated by news of another’s death, without adding the burden of undeserved guilt.
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