An Ugly Side of Patienthood

My mom’s friend offered me a small tray of cookies. I took one look, and yelled, “No!” The next day, I felt ashamed that I’d bitten the hand of someone treating me with lovingkindness. The episode taught me that illness could make me mean, and I didn’t like that.

I forgave myself but didn’t forget it.

The cookie episode happened when I was 7 years old, feverish, and unable to swallow due to painful tonsillitis. As core childhood experiences do, the episode sensitized me to the challenges of managing illness with kindness.

Today, as a patient, I believe sickness is not an excuse to be mean to anyone, especially to caregivers. I still have an obligation to be civil, unless I physically can’t (e.g., brain tumor; medication-induced psychosis). That said, illness can make ugly sides of me surface. When it does, I can apologize to the offended and forgive myself.

As a caregiver, I believe I have a right to be treated with respect, unless the patient physically cannot control what happens. Knowing how stress and pain can lower the threshold for ugly sides popping through, I draw boundaries, and I accept apologies in a way that helps the patient save face.

Illness is tough and can get ugly. Working to relate to others with love and respect is beautiful.

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