Someone does something nice for a patient. The patient isn’t happy about it. Tensions rise. The problem may be mismatched love languages.
That’s what happened to a patient whose relative came to help out. The patient told her relative how much the visit meant. She asked for help with a 3,000-piece puzzle that she planned to glue together and hang on the wall after completing it. So, among other activities, they worked on the puzzle.
The next day, the patient awoke from an afternoon rest and found her relative deep cleaning the kitchen. The patient expressed frustration that the relative wasn’t working on the puzzle. The relative then felt hurt and unappreciated.
Many things were going on with the patient, one of which was that working on the puzzle gave her a sense of control. As for the relative, she had always felt calm and in control when her kitchen was sparkling clean—and she wanted the patient to enjoy that same feeling .
Everybody is different. Healthy relationships depend on honest, open communication, especially when needs aren’t being met or others’ actions are creating problems for you. That said, if someone’s act of kindness is not exactly what you want, try to see and feel what motivated the act—and enjoy the gift of love.
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