If a challenge upsets you, try distinguishing whether you have a problem or a dilemma.
Some sources define “problems” as difficulties to be solved and define “dilemmas” as circumstances with equally desirable—or undesirable—options. E.g., going to a restaurant that’s closed is a problem resolved by going someplace else to eat. Then, choosing where to eat is a dilemma. In the pursuit of Healthy Survivorship, I think of the distinction in a different way:
A problem is a challenge with a one- or few-steps solution. E.g., a flat tire or a snafu with scheduling my follow-up visit.
A dilemma is a challenge where I am managing uncertainty and/or competing demands and needs. E.g., difficulty maintaining routines for my children while my illness keeps upsetting routines.
Distinguishing problems from dilemmas helps me…
Develop needed skills
Manage expectations
Find healing hope
In all cases, I obtain knowledge about the challenge and options for addressing it. What are the pros and cons of each approach? I ask for help when needed. I respond to problems as best I can, with expectation of moving on, maybe armed with a new tip. I respond to dilemmas by striving to do the best I can for now in a dynamic situation, expecting to face similar dilemmas again and again—and hopeful of gaining insights and skills for handling these dilemmas more easily as time goes on.
As I wrote in “View from Remission”: Even unpleasant times are less painful for they are proof that I am still here.
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