During a pandemic, the rumble of normal-life stress crescendos to a roar. That creates a dilemma for people in need who fear burdening friends and loved ones with requests for assistance. What’s a Healthy Survivor to do?

Hi Casey, So so sorry about Jordan’s diagnosis. You asked for tips on supporting a loved one through illness. Here are three:

Lessons in growing old gracefully can help you live more fully, whatever your age or condition. David Newman’s father taught one of those lessons while losing cognitive abilities.

We all need hope to get through these dark days of winter. For me, I feel confident of steps I can take to find hope today. I developed that skill after a journey of hope that began decades ago on a bright, sunny day.

If going through a tough time, how do you decide which friends and family members you turn to? Choosing wisely depends on what you need and others’ ability to fulfill that need. Here’s an approach to minimizing the risk of disappointments or tensions.

How often do you find yourself “choosing your battles”? You know, going along with someone’s undesirable plan of action instead of pushing back. Or, ignoring someone’s rudeness instead of calling out the infraction. In times of stress, it’s can be adaptive to let a wrong slide that normally you wouldn’t tolerate.

New perspectives strengthen understanding. That’s why I enjoyed and recommend a book by a cancer survivor with expertise in planning for the non-financial aspects of retirement.

Douglas Smith, a De Pauw professor of positive psychology, offers wisdom on happiness that might help you talk with loved ones who resist needed medical care.

What if your loved ones are too scared to go to the doctor? Scared of anything from needles to upsetting news. What can you do?

If overdiagnosed with cancer, was something done wrong?

If your loved one keeps delaying or avoiding needed medical attention, an obstacle may be that the task never makes it to the top of the daily to-do list.

If a loved one delays or avoids a doctor visit to avoid bad news, what can you do?

What can you do if your loved one says “If I go to doctors, they find problems.” In the setting of worrisome symptoms, a healing response depends on what’s behind the refusal.

A wrenching and exasperating situation is watching a loved one choose to delay or refuse needed medical attention. The loved one knows (s)he needs medical attention. The loved one believes in the value of medical attention. Yet the loved one doesn’t act. What is going on? What can—and can’t—you do?

When my oncologist reassured me “Your exam is normal,” I wasn’t convinced I was okay. Neither was he. Unwilling to wait and see whether my worrisome symptoms improved with time, he handed me a requisition for a scan.

All I could do was hope for good news, a response as reflexive as squinting in blinding light. It never occurred to me to question whether “good news” was the best thing to hope for.

It’s at least as important to be able to identify your glimmers as your triggers.

A sniffle. An upset stomach. A headache. A low-grade fever. Those minor symptoms you’d normally ignore, at least for a few days, now speed your pulse and trigger distracting thoughts. Is it Covid-19? Am I okay? Should I isolate myself?